The Things She Remembers
by BlackBirdPie
Summary: All memories fade. Eventually. Like a fire, burning, blazing, dying. It's just that some memories last, some you still feel until the last smoldering ember. Hermione/Draco. T. Read...and review!
1. Head

**This is a collective series of oneshots, basically thirty or forty something year old Hermione's rememberings of Malfoy, going off of the song "head, shoulders, knees, and toes..." etc. It will be eight parts I believe…(head, shoulders, knees, toes, eyes, ears, mouth, nose). YES. Eight. Not totally AU, because it ends up the same place JKR's series did. Speaking of which, you might have heard of it…she owns everything. **

**I will do my best with updates, but I'm pretty busy at the moment, and have what seems like a couple bazillion WIPs…so we will see. **

**Head**

She could remember the crown of white-blonde hair that sat atop his head.

It was different from hair, because it was so much like a crown. And he wore it like one, like everyone else at the school served him.

When he acted like that it made it so much easier to pretend. Along with the sneer, and condescending insults…well is almost came naturally. Hating him.

Almost.

"Come on, Granger." They were hiding out in a broom closest. He had said Filch was on the other side of the school, cleaning up after Peeves. Two birds with one stone, he had said. "It wasn't real."

"They're my best friends. Do you think I like it when you're awful to them?"

"Weasley's been acting like a little girl, getting his knickers knotted over a mouse named Scab? Anyway, you're not really lovely to my mates either."

"Crabbe and Goyle? I don't even know how one begins to be "lovely" to Crabbe and Goyle."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She gave him a blank look. "They're idiots, Malfoy. They are really, really, bloody stupid."

"Yeah, well same."

"Oh, please…"

"Well, you slapped me!" He sounded a bit outraged, and rubbed his jaw.

"You had it coming. You were a little too believable."

"I guess I go a little overboard when you're in trouble, Granger." He smirked again, and moved closer.

And she hated how she could feel her glare beginning to melt. Her resistance giving way.

"Are those lines really supposed to work?"

He moved, so his head was hovering in front of her, his hair tickling her eyes. "You tell me."

"They don't. They've no affect on me at all."

"Really?"

"Yes." Her voice was clipped.

"That's too bad. Pansy loves it."

"Oh, shut up, you are such an arsehole I don't know why I even bother—"

And then he was kissing her. And she couldn't even protest, she let him back her against the wall, and slide his hands up her robes. She tipped her head back, drinking more of him in.

This part of Malfoy, she can still remember.


	2. Shoulders

**Shoulders**

Malfoy was never that big. He was tall, sure, and strong enough, but he wasn't that broad, he wasn't that strong.

But Hermione still remembers how, sixth year, he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Just let me help!" She would whisper to him in the hall. It would look strange, the Slytherin and the Gryffindor talking to each other in the hall. But they got away with it somewhat because people chalked it up to the Head boy and girl fighting.

"You can't help, Granger." He gritted between his teeth. "How many times do I have to bloody tell you?"

"We're…"

"What?" Malfoy snorted, his face contorting. "Friends? Not bloody likely. I hate to tell you this, Granger, but what we _do_," He leaned in closer to her. "The fucking? It's not what _friends_ do."

Hermione's eyes are welling up. She turns so he can only see her profile now, and she doesn't have to look him in the eye. "Fine."

She sees him swallow out of the corner of her eye. His jaw clenched. What he said, he wanted to hurt her. She knew that. He _meant _to. But that didn't mean she would let him know he did.

"Granger—"

"Good luck, Malfoy." She said loudly, the third years walking by had taken notice of their conversation. "I hope you clear up that rash. Awful shame about where it is."

At dinner that night, Ron had asked her what was bothering her. And she knew this was serious for a couple of reasons, one, it meant she was upset enough for Ron to notice. Two, she was upset enough for Ron to notice during a meal. And third, she was coherent enough to be happy that Ron _cared_ she was upset. She thinks.

But now she's in the library, because it's the only place that can bring her peace.

"Exaresco." She whispered. Much to her embarrassment, her tears were dripping onto the page. And she didn't have to ruin a perfectly good book because of Malfoy…Malfoy the stupid, bloody inconsiderate—

"Granger."

She nearly jumped out of her seat.

"Nox."

They sat there in the dark, until Malfoy grumbled, pulling out his own wand.

"Lumos." He directed the beam of light in her direction. "Very mature, Granger."

"What do you want?"

He's looking at some point above her head. "Well, you seemed a bit upset."

Hermione doesn't say anything. She's not in the mood to make this easy for him.

"God, cut me a bloody break."

"Why? Why would I do that, Malfoy?" She slams her book shut, standing up from the desk. "I don't know if you've heard this, but _fucking_ doesn't make us friends."

He grabs her elbow as she tried to breeze past him. "I…" She waits, but he doesn't continue.

"I know 'sorry', isn't a regular part of your vocabulary, but you're going to have to do better than that."

"I didn't mean to—"

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't know if you think you're hiding…whatever it is you're up to. But you're not. You look like a mess. Harry's heard you arguing with Snape, see! Even now you just pulled a face. What's going on with you?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why? Is it something to do with your family? Vold—"

"No." He cuts her off, before she can say the name. "No." His voice softens. "You're not listening to me. I can't tell _you_."

"Oh." She meets his eyes, and they bounce off hers, roaming the room. "It's Harry, isn't it?'

"The whole lot." He admits. He clenches his jaw, she imagines him weighing the words, seeing if he actually wants to say them. "And it's not…safe. It's not safe for you."

She's almost stunned into silence. "And there's nothing…?"

"You could forgive me."

And for a moment he stops being Malfoy, he stops with his mask, and trying to be the best, and he's just with here, there. He's just looking at her.

"I don't like this. I don't like what it's doing to you."

"You don't have to. It's not your business." And he doesn't say it harshly this time, he almost sounds sad. Because at the end of the day they don't really have any claim on the other. They just have snippets of moments like this one.

Where it's the Gryffindor girl, looking a boy who's carrying everything, everything, on his shoulders.


	3. Knees

******Soo...it's been a while. :) There's a couple more chapters to go with this one-shot series thing (Toes, Eyes, Ears, Mouth Nose...you get the drift). The next couple will be a bit longer I believe...enjoy!**

**Knees**

For some reason, Malfoy's knees always played a big part in her memory.

From across the Great Hall, and his hand was on his knee, jiggling. And it would just happen to be the same day as the Quidditch match against Gryffindor.

Or when they were in Potions, and between his group, and her own, it made talking impossible, but she would feel Malfoy's knee give her own a bump under the table.

Even with this, she didn't get much alone time with Malfoy.

It seemed like the most she ever saw him was fourth year.

Because Harry was busy with the tournament, and Ron was busy being angry with Harry, and the rest of the school was too busy to notice anything. And even if they did, most people just whispered that Hermione was off with Krum…

But how stupid they could all be.

Malfoy had his own room, he didn't share with anyone else. And while Hermione thought this was stupid and pretentious it has its perks.

"I don't know what you see in Krum anyway." He whispered to her, his face centimeters above hers. "He's lousy at Quidditch."

"Well, you know, I do only date really good quidditch players."

Malfoy made a noise, and nipped at her ear.

"Watch is Granger."

"Or what?"

"I'm sorry, that I don't love seeing you around school with people that are less attractive, talented, and intelligent then myself."

"Oh, actually. Like you would admit if someone was better than you anyway."

"Seeing is believing, Granger."

"You're such a git sometimes."

"Don't pretend like you don't like it."

Draco leaned down, and pressed his mouth against hers, moved his tongue between her lips.

His knee came up, and slid between her legs. It pushed the hem of her skirt up, his knee pressed against her thigh.

"Don't…be a tease." She panted out.

"You're the one who keeps hemming her skirt."

"I…" Hermione stammered. "The hem was fraying and…and I wanted to practice a new sewing spell…it's wasn't because…"

"Right." She could tell he was rolling his eyes. "I didn't say I didn't like it."

And right then, all Hermione could think about was Malfoy's knee. Where it was. How she used to think he had such knobby knees in their second year. How she never imagined they would get here.

"Don't stop." She said, and Malfoy pulled back to look at her.

He arched one of his blonde eyebrows.

And he didn't ask her if she meant it.

Because with them, they never knew.


	4. Toes

**Another update already? I know, I'm just that good. :) Anywho, I realized that Hermione and Draco had just been TOO LUCKY, as they haven't had a run in with anyone else on one of their rendezvous...so here you have it. Also, I changed the title, because the old one just wasn't working for me. **

**Toes**

Hermione doesn't even remember when, or how, the lake became their sanctuary at Hogwarts. Only that it did. And they accepted it.

"You know, Granger," Malfoy said, as he peered at her over the end of his nose. "You have really hideous feet."

"Excuse me?" She was dangling her legs over the dock, and Malfoy was sunning behind her, sprawled out. It was mealtime, so everyone else was in the school. Hermione said she could skip because of S.P.E.W, and Malfoy said he wouldn't be_ too_ badly missed for one meal.

"Maybe not your feet, so much as your toes. They are grotesque."

"That's just rude."

"Has nobody really told you that before?"

"Most people," Hermione began. "Have the common decency to not go around and insult the body parts of others.

Malfoy snorted.

"For example if I was less polite, might bring up some of your extremities that are lacking."

"Lacking?" Malfoy sounded outraged.

"Small, Malfoy." Hermione had a wicked grin.

"Hey, there's no need to stoop so low Granger!"  
>Hermione was just about to open her mouth, when he came charging at her. She inhaled to shriek, when his hand clamped over her mouth, and propelled both of them into the water.<p>

Hermione was the first to break the surface of the lake, sputtering death threats at Malfoy.

"I-I what is wrong with you?"

"Fancy a swim, Granger?" And he smiled at her. And Hermione couldn't help but smiling too, because he was seldom genuinely happy. Even when he was with her, it evaded him. She didn't know if it was a personality…quirk, or because of his family or what. But if insulting her toes brought it out, then fine.

She splashed at him, laughing. "Two can play at that game."

She darted under the water, pulling his ankle with her. Hermione opened her eyes, and was startled that he had his open as well. They hovered at that level, looking at each other, until a shadow over them caught their attention.

"Hermione?" They heard the muffled call above the surface. "What the bloody hell…?"

Malfoy pulled her close for a moment, kissing her tight. He drew back just as quick, indicating he would swim to the other shore, and for her to go up.

Hermione nodded, watching him dart off. She wished they could just stay…just for a bit longer.

"Do you think we should go in after her?" She heard Harry as Ron.

Hermione pushed off the bottom to the surface, trying to think of some way to explain _this_.

"Hello." She was a terrible liar, and pretended to have water in her eye.

"What are you doing in the lake? You said something about _spew_—"

She didn't bother correcting Ron this time. "I decided to come down here instead. And I thought I saw a mermaid in the water…so I leaned over for a look and fell in."

"Mermaid?" Harry asked, scrunching his face. "But I thought—"

"Umbridge!" Hermione yelled, she was desperate to get their attention on something else, anything else. "She's really…dreadful."

"You're telling me." Ron begins. "Fred and George swear they saw her…"

And Hermione tuned out for the rest of the boy's rant. She looked towards the school just in time to see Malfoy pulling himself out of the water, and casting a drying spell.

Harry leaned down to pull her out, vigorously nodding at whatever Ron was saying, and just as Hermione climbed on the dock Ron made a shocked noise.

"Blimey, Hermione, you're toes…"

"Shut up." She told him.


	5. Eyes

******Because I think that even Draco has a softer side...and who doesn't love soup. **

**Eyes**

Something about Malfoy's eyes always…scared Hermione. Maybe because they were always the same.

When they were together.

When they were together with other people.

Just passing in the hallway.

They were always that same shade of grey. The stormy with a bit of blue mixed in.

In bed, when his mouth would be right below her jaw, his breath tickling the flyaway hairs on her face, if she looked far enough to her left she could see the corner of his eye, it's color visible under his half closed lid.

_Mudblood_. He spat at her, and still his eyes didn't change color.

And it just seemed wrong to her. Like there should be some difference between that Malfoy, and _her _Malfoy.

Maybe there was something wrong with him. That his eyes never changed. Maybe he wasn't actually human.

Hermione got sick one summer. She was really bad off. Her parents wanted her to go to the doctor, but she just shook her head. Getting out of bed seemed to be too much work.

She was laying there, wondering how many hours she had left to live. It was blazing hot outside, and she was cold and miserable and…

_ Crack_.

She opened her eyes, just a peek, and wondered how long Malfoy has been there…

"Malfoy?" She croaked, lunging, trying to get out of bed for reasons unclear to her now.

"Steady Granger." He caught her as she toppled forward, and helped her settle back down in the sheets.

"What are you doing here?" It hurt to talk.

She could see him looking her up and down. When his eyes met hers, she was surprised to see they were angry. "I know your parents are muggles, but don't you lot have some sort of medical care?"

"What?"

"Why haven't you been to see a healer or something?"

"I didn't want to. I'm fine. Really. Just a bit off…"

"And I'm just a bit blonde."

Hermione felt a wave of dizziness, she hadn't moved this much in a while.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

He was silent.

"And what have you got there?" She indicated to his parcel.

Still silent. She doesn't say anything. "You didn't write back. And I thought something was wrong…so I apparated here last night—"

"You were here last night?" She screeched, Malfoy looked towards the door worriedly. Hermione waved him off, "Oh, they're both at the office."

"And you were sleeping. So I thought I would come back when you were awake. And I heard muggles like soup so…" He hands the bag to her.

Inside is a small Styrofoam bowl, and Hermione knew he would have had to buy this at a muggle shop. And she just couldn't picture Malfoy in the muggle shop.

"Chicken noddle soup?"

He shrugs.

"And what do you mean you apparated? You're underage."

"I live on the wild side." He grinned. "Anyway, I could have borrowed a house-elf. But I thought you'd be upset…see, from your expression I'm thinking I was correct. Rather risk a visit from Fudge than the wrath of Granger."

Hermione was speechless. "Thank you." She said belatedly, lifting the bag.

"Feel better soon." He leaned down as if to kiss her, when she slapped her hand over her mouth.

She shook her head, talking from under her hand. "I'll get you sick too."

He pried her hand off, kissing her lightly. "See you in a couple weeks."

The next day, an owl came with a scrap for a letter, and no signature.

_ I'm sick now. It's all your fault. I hope you liked the soup._

And what Hermione really remembered from all of that, was for once, Malfoy's eyes were softer. More blue.

She didn't know if the thought of her Malfoy in there, under the surface, was comforting. Or sad. That he was in there, under the arrogance.

And that's when a piece of Hermione knew she would love a piece of Malfoy forever.


	6. Ears

**Ears**

_Hermione Hermione Hermione. Please._

It was really dark. That's all she remembers. She couldn't taste, see, touch, smell, or even think anything. It was just really…dark.

Sometimes a noise, however, would break through. Harry and Ron, sometimes. Or the odd sound from Madam Pomfrey. Dumbledore stopped by once.

_You're so stupid. You bloody stupid idiot._ _Typical Gryffindor bullheaded bravery. Why… Hermione Hermione Hermione._

She had no way of knowing, of course, but it seemed like it must have been night out. Late. It must have been.

_And your idiot mates don't know you did it on purpose yet. I left it in your hand. Maybe they will find it…maybe…_

She feels like she thinks she might want to tell the voice it's okay. It'll be okay._ I can hear you. I'll be okay. They're not that big of idiots._

_ Hermione_. _Please be okay._

_Hermione._

_ I'm sorry_.

And it was the only apology Hermione Granger would ever hear from Draco Malfoy. She was petrified when she got it.


	7. Mouth

**Mouth**

At that point, Hermione was by herself in the Malfoy Manner.

She remembered thinking that she had never felt so alone. Harry and Ron were taken to the basement, and Bellatrix had left the room with a promise she would return.

Her best friends…well, she didn't know if they were alive or dead.

"Run, Granger." Malfoy's mouth was centimeters from hers. "Go."

"I can't…" But her mouth was too dry, and it was excruciating to move even the slightest bit. "I can't leave them." Her eyes welled up, from which pain she didn't know.

He swore, and she felt his eyes rake her over. They never thought they would see each other again. After that night. After Dumbledore.

"Your idiot mates got you captured. You need to leave, Granger. You have to or else…"  
>"What? Auntie Bella will kill me?"<p>

"I can't stop her." His voice was desperate, something Malfoy usually scoffed at. Desperation. "I can't do anything but watch you get hurt!"  
>"Can't or won't?" She spat.<p>

And he had the audacity to look hurt.

"Just this one, could you listen to me? _Run_. Get out of here."

"I never listen to you, Malfoy. It just might kill me to."

"This is a joke for you? Something funny that I missed?"

She wanted to answer with something clever, but she started coughing, blood pooling into the hand she had over her mouth. She didn't think that was good, vaguely remembering symptoms of internal bleeding.

"Fucking hell, Granger." He started on incantations, healing the pieces he could.

"Don't bother. She's just going to come back. There's no point—"

His mouth covered over hers, and she was too surprised to not kiss back. To remember their situation. That they had never been on more opposite sides.

And for a moment, it seems so incredibly stupid that it was House rivalries that kept them from telling people before – as if that actually mattered.

Hermione felt dampness on her cheeks, and she realized it was him – that Malfoy was crying. And she knew she was going to die. That Bellatrix was going to kill her. And then Ron, and Harry. And it was all going to be over. It was going to end here.

"Harry." She pulled back, searching his face frantically. "You have to save Harry, please. Or else…he's the only one who can win! Who can end _this_. You must—"

"Don't tell me what to do." Malfoy scoffed. "This is goodbye, Granger."

"After she kills me you have to help Ron and Harry—"

"What the _bloody hell_ do you plan on doing? Getting yourself killed trying to get us out of here? Or worse, a stupid distraction?"

"Harry is necessary. He's worth it."

It was on the tip of her tongue to blurt out _so are you. You're also worth it to me, Malfoy_. But she doesn't. She just wanted to know how things got to this point.

But here, maybe, she had a chance to save all three of them. "Let her kill me. Then go to the order. You can be a spy. You're can be valuable to them, Malfoy. To the fight. In the long run. You get Harry and Ron. I'll keep them busy—"

"You mean let them torture you some more? Great plan of distraction, Granger." He actually managed to roll his eyes.

"I won't go down without a fight."

He ran his hand through his hair, moving lower in his kneeling position.

Bellatrix burst into the room, just as Malfoy's mouth was nearly over hers.

"Getting our dirty little guest to open up, Draco?" She toyed with her wand, letting out an unsettling girlish laugh.

From this close, Hermione was able to see Malfoy shiver.

Malfoy straightened up, not answering. Bellatrix spoke to Greyback, saying he could finish Hermione off, when Ron, and Dobby burst into the room. And then it was all movement, spells, and Ron rushing to her side.

Only Bellatrix got to her first.

Hermione couldn't hear anything, from the noise of the spells. Maybe from her own shock. All she could see was Malfoy's face. Frozen. The only sign of emotion coming from his trembling lips.

Time seemed to stop, but with the crashing of the chandelier sped forwards again. It wasn't until Ron had her, and they had disapparated, and she was alone that she began to cry.

Cry with relief that it was Dobby who was killed. Cry with guilt that she was relieved. And then grief, for what was to happen to Malfoy?


	8. Nose

**THE FINAL CHAPTER. I REALLY DO NOT KNOW HOW IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG.  
>That's about it.<br>I'm so sorry.  
>Forgive me &amp; enjoy :)<strong>

**Nose**

The last sense to go is your sense of smell. It's one of the strongest, and longest lasting tools of recall.

Hermione knows this because she looked it up. She can recite the entire passage by heart; it's out of her mum's old textbook from school. It basically says that smell is so potent because the olfactory cortex has a direct neural link to the hippocampus, and all other senses go to the thalamus, before reaching the memory center.

But that doesn't really matter.

It just doesn't change a goddamn thing.

She wakes up in the morning, and Ron's frying eggs in the kitchen, she can hear bacon sizzling…but that's it. She knows it's happening, and she hears it happening, but she can't smell it.

All she can smell is _him_.

It burns her nose, brings tears to her eyes, a buzzing in her ears.

It's paralyzing.

She closes her eyes, and it's like he's in the room, smirk and all.

And she remembers the last time she saw him, that she held him.

But Ron's calling for her now, because Rosie is refusing to eat the eggs without a piece of toast, and she doesn't want the toast because there's no properly flavored jam…and Hermione can barely drag herself out of bed. Because she hates the moment when she has to open her eyes back up.

The moment she realizes that Malfoy isn't with her.

"Coming." She shouts down to Ron, and she hears her kids cheer. Hermione, the fixer of things, the epitome of logic, the solver and reasoner. She has been this to her two best friends, to the Order, to her children…there's only been one time in her life that she _really_ couldn't fix it. That she couldn't solve it.

It just happened to be the only time that mattered.

"Hermione." He was panting, desperate in her ear. She left Harry for Ron, and then she left Ron, claiming to be looking for Harry. It makes her gut twist painfully because she put Ron in danger by leaving him alone, down in the Chamber. But it didn't matter more then seeing Malfoy.

"Hermione." He said again, his breath tickling the loose hairs around her face. And for some reason it sounds so strange. Even in her memory…

"What are we going to do?"

She was shaking her head, eyes glancing between his and the lake. And a part of her was marveling at how they were almost the same color in this light. She knew he would come here, he would find her somehow. During all of this, they would leave the battle to meet back at the lake.

"I don't know." She said. Her brain wasn't working properly, and the only source of information she could summon was _Hogwarts: A History_.

"It's all about to end." His face was composed, only his voice was frantic.

She closed her eyes, because looking at him hurt. She breathed in, and smelling him was almost worse, because it was like it surrounded her. And he smelled like storm, and something soft…and maybe just a hint of blood. Just a touch of danger. He just smelled like Draco Malfoy.

"I don't want it to." She said quietly.

"But it's going to. It _has_ to. We can't go back after this. Whatever happens…"

"Yes." Because all she wanted was for her friends to be safe, for her family to be okay. And he wanted the same thing. And that just didn't work out when you were on opposing sides. And she was shaking, because if it came down to it…if it happened to work out so, she just might have to kill him.

It was like he read it from her face, because he was grabbing her shoulders, shaking them. "Do it, Hermione. If you have to, do it."

"What a bloody hero." She spat at him, because she was angry with him, with Voldemort, with Harry, Ron, the whole world. "So I have to live with that? I have to live with killing you? I have to live…" Her voice caught. _Without you._

"You'll do it." He was measuring her face, composed, once again. "If the time comes and you chose not to, I'll kill Weasley."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"You wouldn't…" But he would. Damn him, she knew he would. "I hate you."

"Good. Makes things easier."

"Don't do this. Don't leave it like this. …Sstop trying to make me hate you. Stop it. Stop." She was hitting him, over and over. Her fists were raining down on him. Because she wanted to hurt him, just this once. _She _wanted to be the one to hurt _him_.

He grabbed her hands, holding them tight. Pulling her up to his face. "You've always hated me." He's almost smirkinFrom her all she could see wa his halfhearted smirk.g.

And Hermione was lost. Because he was right, and at the same time so wrong. She felt so young in that moment, so young and yet incredibly…tired. The world had never been kind to her and Draco.

The door opening snaps her back to the present.

"Mummy?" Rosie Hugo calls. "Mummy, Rosie won't eat. But I ate. I ate all my eggs, and toast, and some cereal…"

Hermione opens her eyes, puling her knees up, and takes one last breath of Draco.

"I'll be right there, love. Tell Dad to check the cabinet. I think there's some of the spread she likes in there. Behind the cake mix."

And she realizes something, something about that memory she had missed.

It was the only time he had ever called her by her first name.


End file.
